How do I love thee? Well…let me think: I love your smile, your walk and your shape My affection for you, cannot be escaped Tho’ never was born a fairer lass The truth be told, I love your…um, sass My thirst for you I cannot slake Despite when you snore, and keep me awake You [...]
What’s up with you guys anyway? After two years and 300+ blog posts, what’s the one observation on this fine site that gets the most hits? Snot! See: http://misterass.com/2011/03/28/snot Where’s the fascination? It’s not even that funny – in terms of humor, it doesn’t compare to Ivan and the Key Card, or The Garden Hose. And yet it’s [...]
This morning the Nordic Warrior Queen wanted to know how many people die each year on cruise ships. Since that’s one of the things I don’t know much about I had to look it up in Wikipedia. But Wiki wasn’t there! What the hell? There was only this cryptic message about SOPA and PIPA, which [...]
When I was a kid, it was all so simple. I could load one of these up – Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse, even Frosty the Snowman, it didn’t matter – in about four seconds flat, all while watching The Brady Bunch, or Gilligan’s Island. And I never once dropped a single piece of candy. What the [...]
2011? All I can say is…wow. It’s been a busy year. According to the United Nations, Spaceship Earth now carries seven billion souls. That’s a big number, to be sure – when I was born, it was just over three billion, and people were wondering where we were going to put all the…well, all the [...]
As he reached for the dashboard and switched on his bubble light, I realized the unmarked car had been following me ever since I left the bar. I swung into the nearest parking lot I could find, a Toys R’ Us store, jam-packed with mothers and their children returning unwanted Christmas gifts. I put my [...]
After the strange conversation I’d had with ex-Partridge Family member Danny Bonaduce, I felt the need for some refreshment. Luckily, the Yard House is just down the road, and they serve over three hundred beers. Surely they would have something to take away the weirdness of the afternoon’s telephone call. Ten minutes later I was [...]
Danny Bonaduce called me last week, all excited. “Dude, Shirley and I are starting up the band again, and I was wondering if you can take Brian Forster’s spot.” “Umm…what? Who is this?” “Dude,” he sounded tense. “It’s me, Danny. Danny Bonaduce? You know, The Partridge Family?” “Why are you calling me?” “Don’t you remember? [...]
Click here: Hanson Christmas 2011
The Nordic Warrior Queen says I’m a procrastinator. That’s when I tell her I’d rather talk about it later. Actually, I think procrastination is a virtue. After all, why waste valuable time today doing what’s best put off until later? After all, you might wake up dead tomorrow. Look at all the things that would [...]