It wasn’t my fault. Really. I mean, who hangs the bath towels inside the shower? I’ve stayed in a lot of hotels, but until now, I’d never encountered this situation. One might argue I should have seen them there before starting the shower, that sometime between hot-water-on and scrub-a-dub-dub, I would have noticed that the [...]
Sometimes at work I have to wear a tie. I’d rather wear a T-shirt, but they won’t let me. Okay, fine. But here’s the problem: I’m 5’ 8” tall and have a 19” neck, a size normally reserved for very short football players and the morbidly obese. Good luck finding a shirt that fits. I [...]
How do I love thee? Well…let me think: I love your smile, your walk and your shape My affection for you, cannot be escaped Tho’ never was born a fairer lass The truth be told, I love your…um, sass My thirst for you I cannot slake Despite when you snore, and keep me awake You [...]
I like to think that I have a thick skin. When your writing has been rejected hundreds of times, you learn to ignore ugly criticisms – otherwise, you’ll just end up quitting. Still, it hurts when someone makes a nasty comment on a Mr. Ass post, calling me a fool and a moron, and takes [...]
I bought this ‘67 Chevelle once. It had a 327 small block, a Muncie 4-speed and 4.11 Posi-Trac rear-end. It wasn’t an SS, but I knew I could fix it up just as nice. This was the same car my brother and I would one day tow down County Road 5, nearly killing a woman [...]
I have to take all these classes for my new job. It’s called “virtual” training, which means day after endless day of connecting to a web-site to watch as some faceless stranger runs through all the important stuff I’m supposed to know about the software sell. Then I’m supposed to do all the same steps [...]
When I woke up this morning, I knew there was something special in store for me. Thursdays are good days for me anyway – they come with a certain feeling of accomplishment at having put away eighty percent of the workweek, but without all that giddy TGIF expectation that accompanies Friday. But today would be [...]
The Nordic Warrior Queen was hollering at me the other day. “Why can’t you men ever turn off the light when you leave the room?” I was a bit offended at being lumped in with the rest of the male species. After all…it’s me she’s talking about, but I kept my opinion to myself; you [...]
What’s up with you guys anyway? After two years and 300+ blog posts, what’s the one observation on this fine site that gets the most hits? Snot! See: http://misterass.com/2011/03/28/snot Where’s the fascination? It’s not even that funny – in terms of humor, it doesn’t compare to Ivan and the Key Card, or The Garden Hose. And yet it’s [...]
This morning the Nordic Warrior Queen wanted to know how many people die each year on cruise ships. Since that’s one of the things I don’t know much about I had to look it up in Wikipedia. But Wiki wasn’t there! What the hell? There was only this cryptic message about SOPA and PIPA, which [...]